Secrets of The Goddess in Apt 10b

I Once was Lost.

2010-07-04T00:00:00.002-05:00

It's been a few weeks since I've been here. I apologize.

But I'm back, now!

If I'm such a good woman, How come I'm still single?

2010-03-20T11:44:00.015-05:00

First thing this morning, I get a call from a way back when.. friend. I hadn’t heard from this friend in maybe a year. He was just checking in on my daughter and I. Shooting the breeze about the weather and some FB photos. Then he asked what they all ask at the very end of the conversation… “When am I getting a wedding invitation?”

And so it is.. the pressure is back on!

It’s been eons since I gave any serious thought to marriage. And now my juices are flowing. Hmmmmmmm.. wondering how I can make that happen? First. I've got to find the right man to marry.

That doesn't mean I'm going to run out and buy a bridal magazine or join eHarmony, again. Although... that's not such a bad idea.

To be honest though. About three years ago, Anglo Dennis drove down from Little Rock and Brothah Dan drove up from Houston. Sadly, both drove away with their tails tucked under. I believe there was some compatibility, but not "deep" compatibility. The eHarmony matching system is not perfect. But from experience, I do believe it works better than the rest. I'm just glad the registration is foolishly time consuming and membership is not cheap. Or else those lookers and winkers on other personals sites, would infiltrate and mess things up for everyone!

Anyway.. My friend that called this morning, made it a point to let me know he's busy.. Then he sprinkled in some verbiage about how beautiful I am, and how he thought I was a really good woman. With that, I was reminded of the question he asked me one time at lunch, after a heated debate on the shenanigans of Bill Clinton. He asked me.. "Do you think you and I could have made it in a relationship?" --I told him.. "Maybe. If you'd been a good listener."

So.

If I'm such a good woman, though? How come I'm still single?

What do I want in a man?

For starters, I'm looking for ..

Someone who will match MY energy. Not drain it.
Someone who is a good listener and pays attention to me.. with all of his senses. Not just his eyes and his hands.
Friendship.

Is that too much to ask for?

Usually, when I meet someone I consider a good catch, it turns out he has unnecessary vices like:

His knees hurt and he's always complaining.. "I'm too old for that.. "
He's obsessed with facebook and text and instant messaging. Short brief comments in 140 characters or less, is not the way to get to know me.
And then there are the ones with ambition. Why do they even bother to introduce themselves and flatter me with.. politeness and charm if they don't have time to socialize?

The most memorable was the Nigerian Prince Chef. He quit a six-figure fortune 500 career to write a cookbook and create his own gourmet food line. Our first date was a 5 course meal and candles and music at his home.. Nothing more, nothing less. I loved it! I felt like Lisaraye First Lady.. must have when she hooked her some Mr. Prime Minister man! Only thing is.. I'm not a gold digger.

Speaking of gold digger. Is it wrong for me to not want a broke man? Broken, I can deal with. Broken, I can heal with. Broke. I'm not so sure about.

Broke men are not the ones with ambition, they're just Hustlers. Good hustlers, too! They're the ones who pay child support on time and don't dare miss a beat. Which is a darned good thing. But what's in it for me?

And then there are the guys with children they're fighting tooth and nail to get full custody of. Lordy! They seem to be telling me to wait until their kids are grown and gone and then, we can really get it on. I thought the point of a relationship was to go through things together.. Get to know one another based on shared experiences over time.

Back to my Nigerian Prince Chef for a moment. Soon after we started dating, his business loan was approved. I tried to be there for him, but he didn't invite me in. I contacted him last Christmas to discuss catering a fund raiser only to find his restaurant and food line is now only spices. Man! He was a great catch. And I'd still be interested in him. But I could tell he was embarrassed to talk to me. He's a long ways from where he was trying to get ten years ago when we first met.

All of this has me wondering..

Are men afraid of a woman like me?

I'm not needy. Even when I am. I never ask for anything.

And so, I've come to this... what I've heard Michael Baisden say often on the radio..

"Don't you marry that man or that woman, unless you know how he or she handles adversity!"

And that, my friends.. Is probably why I'm still single.

Some good slutty boots

2010-03-15T20:04:00.006-05:00

With all my talk about my sensuality and sexuality.. I must admit that I am a little hard on shoes.

It's no secret among the women in my family that my grandmother's the same way and she spends lots of money on shoe repair. Oh we're graceful enough when we walk.. it must be our posture or something. I don't know! But because of this, I can't buy cheap shoes.

I know a lady who wears a different pair of shoes every single day of the year. I asked her how she does it. "Well," she said discreetly.. "Pay Less and Sam Moon." Because she's petite and her feet are small, she can get away with cheap shoes!

I don't do flip flops, but I love me some high heeled sandals. They make my legs look more slender.. And the more straps the sexier. And I generally spend most of my wardrobe budget on sandals.

My mother and my grandmother.. can really work it in some high heels, too. And not surprisingly, my now 17 yr old daughter loved playing on real high heels when she was 7. She's not allowed to buy them yet, but I'm 100% sure she'll be a shoe whore like her grand and great grandmother.

As for me, I only need one pair of each of these.. Black pumps. Black tall boots. Black short boots. Brown tall boots. Brown short boots. Black or Brown Boondockers. The end.

But I've been thinking lately, that I need me some good ~~slutty~~ spicy thigh high boots. You know? Which means I'll have to case some expensive fashion house for a really nice pair so I don't look like a sl.. So they don't look cheap.

I know. I know.. Slutty is a state of mind.

I really like the boots pictured above, but I love these by Chanel:

Photo Source: http://www.womensboots.info/exm/Fashion_Alert-Thigh_High_Boots_Are_Back/

The sex appeal of a great head of hair

2010-03-10T23:05:00.010-06:00

An overly confident young stylist once stood over me and said.. "You have enough hair on your head for five people!" I only allowed her to trim my ends.

And once an Old School stylist simply refused to cut a mere 3 inches off my hair. Even though I wanted her to. Her philosophy was that since I was blessed with a head of thick long hair, I needed to leave it like that! I kept her for as long as I could. Wish I knew where to find her now! Velmarie Marshall, where are you?!

In my youth, my grandmother was a professional hair stylist and master barber who was talented & gifted with a straight edged razor! After I was grown and gone.. the very first time I wanted an asymmetrical very short cut like that of Lisa Bonet in the Cosby Show days, the only way to get it was for my grandma to thin it out with a razor! I came all the way back to Dallas from Florida so she could do the honors!

It is true, that I do have a thick head of dark brown just past my shoulders length hair. And it's also true that, if I take a notion to cut it all off, I will. Though I might be just a little reluctant to go that far, now. Forty-something and thinking somehow I will lose my youthful edge and sex appeal if I cut it all off. And cutting it now means all or nothing.. Layers are high maintenance and I rarely have the patience and barely the resources for recurring luxury salon hair care.

A couple of days ago I went to a fast food drive-thru for a drink.. At the pick up point a young woman popped her head over the shoulder of the server working the window and asked me.. If I wouldn't mind making a donation of some of my hair (since I had so much of it) to her lost cause. It was such a fun and flattering acknowledgment that my long hair looks great not fake!

It seems odd that so many women make a point of weaving and wigging it, when all they have to do is take good care of what they were born with. And how well do I know that maintaining a beautiful head of hair is laborious. But as much fun as I've had with chopping it all off on occasion, I also love keeping it long!

One man I was getting to know ran his fingers through my hair with a gentle little tug and pull to my scalp. Seemingly in search of something. I realized what he was doing and told him to knock it off. "It's real!" He was one of those guys who believed that his woman should always wear a bra and never cut her hair or shave her legs. Needless to say, he didn't last very long in my camp.

As I look around, I rarely see 40something and more mature women wearing long hair styles. Are they resigned to the idea that long hair is unattractive? I've read the blog posts of others dissing the barely gray sisters who chose not to cut off their wild and wirey locks. Although I'm not even close to being even a little gray. I will get there soon. It's genetics.

But unless I wake up one morning and I miraculously have Halle Berry's face, I'm determined to keep my feminine allure by keeping my luscious tresses long. -- That's not to say that a woman sporting a very short 'do can't be feminine and alluring. And that's not to say that Halle Berry is the only one who can pull that off! My friend here does it quite well, don't you think?

And did you notice all the buzz surrounding Sandra Bullock's hair after the Oscars? I did. So much so that I've been trying to achieve her red carpet 'do for the past week. My hair isn't nearly as long as hers, but I pretend that it is. I think that look is irrefutably feminine and sexy. Just the way I like mine!

Hair has long been known as a symbol of female sexuality

In many cultures it is believed that the hair contains the power of the woman. And long hair will manifest the true essence of her femininity.

And here in American culture today, long hair is something that men seem to crave and desire in a woman, and women want to give it to them. I just don't get it that more women than not are content to fake it! In bed and on their heads.

And isn't this something?

A study published in the research journal Human Nature found that

women who had originally been rated by a test group as being less attractive were rated far more highly when shown with a longer hairstyle.
The experimenters concluded that longer hairstyles increase women’s attractiveness in part because longer hair helps to disguise less desirable features.

Long hair tends to make the jaw line slimmer and less prominent and draws attention away from undefined cheekbones.

Also, as described by many men, long hair also contributes to a more feminine and youthful appearance.

Get it up!

Victorian novels described the "virtuous women" as a woman with pulled back well-brushed hair.. And the tangled and ill-kept hair was how her sexually voracious sister was described.

Edwardian women put their hair up to signify marriageability; symbolically giving up their innocence.

Some people can really up 'do it..

& some should never even try:

I Love Men With Nice Hair
I personally have strong inclinations toward a man with a nice head of hair. And truthfully, it's more often the hair than the man that can be the mane attraction.. The bald thing that's going on with many African American men, certainly turns me on. But a white dude couldn't pull that off, in my eyes.

Hair care and length is a cue to youth and health and reproductive potential. Even though I'm far beyond any interest in reproducing, many women look at a man's hair and skin just the way they look at ours! Purely from a sexual sensual perspective!

The Art of "Good" Black Hair
When black slaves were freed in the Americas, they struggled to reach the social status of whites. Many former slaves tried to conform their hairstyles as part of the struggle. Today.. the natural woman is a grass roots movement that I am hardly tempted to participate in, because I never would survive it. I love my hair straight.. Sometimes curly but more often sleek and bone straight! Oh.. and it's definitely not "To look white" as Chris Rock has suggested in his movie "Good Hair."

The bottom line, for me, is that my great head of hair is a part of my femininity and sexuality. Whatever length or color or texture..

... as long as there is help for it in the form of flat irons, scrunch, blow dryers, gel, essential oils, sculpture lotions, hair spray and moisturizer and relaxers.. I won't always only have to let my hair down in the bedroom but in the boardroom as well..

He Never Listens To Me

2010-03-10T22:35:00.012-06:00

The story goes: She's pregnant by Brutus, and yet made several attempts to disclose to Caesar that Brutus is not trustworthy.. Because she knows. And now Caesar is dead by Brutus' hand.. And she wonders.. Could poor dead Caesar know the meaning of those double pink lines on the little white stick?.. Haunting...

Above if the paraphrased and below is the literal work of fiction written by my 16 year old daughter whose English homework assignment was to write a soliloquy as one of the characters of Julius Caesar. She chose Calpurnia, Roman Empress and wife of Julius Caesar.

Literal:
“Caesar,” I said, “My love, my lord,”
I tried to reason. “My dream comes not without a meaning.”
He shrugs me off, because I am a woman?!
Everything I’ve said rings true.
I said to him, some time ago:
“Trust Brutus, but not with your most whole life,
For he is like silence- seemingly strong and steadfast,
transparent at all times in intention,
but still easily broken with but a convincing word.”
And with his hand he did strike me!
I wonder if he did think of me,
and my words of warning when his dearer Brutus
deployed that dagger into him.
He has met the end of his days,
it is all done.
And now, he will never listen to me.
Wherever he is now, should he see me now?
Should his see me now, aye, and with this wand?
This tell-all wand, that will soon tell me all?
I sent a servant boy for Brutus,
be neither has yet to return.
There is war about, suffering, the vultures are waiting.
I need him to know, I need someone to know,
that through all this death
(looks at test)
There is life!
Mine, and Brutus’,
that we made
With aid of wine,
and absence of judgment
and of the others’ spouses.
Yes, there is life! Here, in my precious womb!
Caesar prayed and sought and prayed for her fertility,
and it is granted not to him!
Oh fates, your irony be cruel.
Caesar was never to know. And he will continue to not,
if the gods hear me and listen
As he did not
And send his spirit away from here,
Away, away.

"The Church of Baseball"

2010-03-06T18:37:00.007-06:00

To get to the point, queue the video up to 1:24..

Then.. Listen... Learn. It's rated G.

I couldn't have said it better!

Being Sensual

2010-03-05T00:15:00.010-06:00

To start with, I would just like to make it clear that I choose to look at my own sensuality as holistic. Meaning, it is all of me not just one aspect of me. Most relate sensuality to sexuality. That's not necessarily true. And as much as I'd like to deny it, being or feeling sensual has impacted all areas of my life. I'm not certain if I was aware of it during early childhood, but certainly since adolescence. The stories I could tell you!

What is sensuality?
It's defined as such, but I don't believe it's always about unrestrained indulgence in sensual pleasures and lewdness or unchastity. It truly (originally) pertains to the senses and the "capacity for sensation," or "feeling." I would also say that.. the sinful connotation of sensuality is chiefly a 'Church' one. Proclaiming sensuality as a "animal instinct or appetite," hence "a source of evil, and lusts of the flesh."

Believe that if you want. But there is no sin in sensuality!

Being a sensual woman doesn't make me a dominatrix stalking men to drag back to my lair. Nor does it mean that I'll screw everything that moves or smiles at me. So give yourself a break if you're wondering about the energy that you put out there. Being shapely and beautiful and alluring and attentive and sensual.. Does not a sinner make! And unless you ARE a dominatrix stalking men, you have nothing to worry about. Really.

Speaking of what sensuality looks like or doesn't look like.. Take Wendy Williams, for example. I know guys who actually believe she's a man in drag. She does have some strong masculine features.. Her height and her facial structure.. But to me, she comes across as a confident, feminine, funny sensual woman.

I believe my sensuality is a beautiful thing.. It's my authentic nature. There was a time when I was ashamed of it. Because it just so happens to be attractive to others. The impact of being the center of attention in my past occupation made me unhappy for a time.. I was too young and lacked self awareness, and understanding on how to handle it. Now I know better.

The older I get the more self conscious I am feel, though. Overly aware of other peoples' observations of me. And as it turns out, their observations are good ones. I loved hearing from one woman.. that I am stunning. And from another that I have a very strong presence. It especially has a different more healthy meaning when a woman tells me this.

At the end of the day.. I'm still me. Living with the power and pleasure of being a woman. Being true to myself gracefully. Drawing love and positive relationships into my life.

I love my Divine Feminine Sensual energy!

Feeling Sensuous Painting by Richard Hoedl

First comes love, then comes sex.. Or is it the other way around?

2010-03-04T18:36:00.000-06:00

What makes a relationship tick? Or another way to ask this question is.. Which comes first? Sex? or Love?

Men need sexual fulfillment in order to respond to a woman emotionally. Women need emotional fulfillment in order to respond to a man sexually. It's a catch 22. Women willingly give sex to get what we think is love, and men act like they love us to get some sex. Happens all the time!

Why do we settle for this? Mostly because our culture hammers home these roles for women to play. Nurturer, organizer, lover, care giver, life giver.. And men are pegged into gender roles as well. From "sturdy oaks" to providers to sperm donors to studs. Having no real bearing on intimacy for men, sex is made out to be a mere outlet. And so it is...

I understand it.. That Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.. But I don't like it!

The Martian I think I could totally trust with my life and my child's life, eludes me. His hotness is hardly the only quality that attracted me to him. He is pure old school, in that.. when he's with me, he is attentive, protective, generous and considerate. The chemistry- was locked down since day 1! The trust evolved from early on. People tell us we look great together! Even though he's an inch shorter than I am. He was among the car loads of Masons my brother gathered to help me move 12 years ago. Back then, there was so much potential for a real long term love affair. But after all this time, we can't seem to connect.. The way I need us to.

Over the years we've been more off than on. Weeks, sometimes months will pass before he calls or invites me out with -a nice fat wallet and months' worth of sob stories and woes I don't care to hear. "Where were you when I need to talk about my stuff?" I've asked. Before long.. he'll make the claim to feel rejected and misunderstood by me. Thus my weariness of his sex for love games.

Six weeks ago he had a minor surgery and paid a visit to my daughter and I. I realized what he really wanted was some sympathy that could lead to ...sex. Offering many compliments and much PDA (public displays of affection).. But. One of the first things I noticed was his weight gain and his attire. He was always so well groomed. And what happened to his sense of style? Nothing he could say or do could endear me to him that night. Deep inside I care for him, but I'm no longer attracted to him. I wish I had been able to feel the spark I felt when we first met.. It's a pity, I could not.

Curious about his recovery, I called him yesterday. He tried to engage me with the goings on in life for the past 6 weeks.. Eventually he got around to telling me how rejected he feels, again. WTF? He's not even trying to appeal to me! The next thing I know.. I'm saying something like this:

"If you're really interested in me, now is the time to step up your A game! Return calls. And don't text me on Mother's Day and New Year's Eve anymore! Call and ask how I'm doing more often, since you seem to need to tell me how things are going with you. I don't want to hear about your ailments and your parenting struggles every time I talk to you, if I can't call you with mine any time I want to. You love it that I look so great? What's going on with you that you're gaining so much weight?..."

When it was all said and done, I was very proud of myself. It felt wonderful to put the onus on him about from whence comes my rejection of his unwanted sexual overtures, and lack of attention to the real details.

I feel it's waay past time for him to move past dishing out compliments to really making an effort to get to know... How I feel & what I think. No longer is an occasional dinner and cocktails and dancing and movies and arcades and theater and PDA.. worth getting undressed for.

So.. is it possible for good women to get what they want from good men? Besides good sex? Like.. a loyal friend, confidant.. and helpmate? Hell! A tech support guy - if he can pull it off! I think offering a woman real emotional fulfillment equals commitment to most men, and commitment equals loss of freedom, loss of options, loss of virility and loss of youth. And we all know men have a hellacious problem with commitment and losing!

Men: Why I Love You, too!

2010-03-04T14:00:00.001-06:00

I second that emotion of the Urban Goddess! I too, am a conscientious objector to the Gender War!

I've had my share of issues with men who just don't know better. I even poke fun, on occasion. Yep, you're from Mars. So glad you're not from Pluto. You know place isn't a planet anymore! But I wouldn't have it any other way. Guys! Keep doing those things ya'll do. With the things ya'll do it with. You know? Pheromones and testosterone. There are some healthy sisters out here that appreciate you, and love you just the way you are!

Please! Click Here to read this fabulous article "Men: Why I Love You" by Robyn Lark Wakefield. It would look like plagiarism is I wrote what I think and feel about men! Tell your friends to read it!

And for my few Mom in Apt 10b friends.. This should help explain why I suddenly - overnight.. quite literally.. went from being "The Mom in Apt 10b" to "The Goddess in Apt. 10b." I was exploring online last night. Looking for some soul food. Found all sorts of good stuff! I feel like Lisa Burke did from The Secret. It's all coming together quite beautifully, now.

I just me, and I just love you, too!

Many Blessings,
Jackie

aka..

By Your Side

2010-03-04T12:01:00.001-06:00

A sensual soulful song with a new sensual soulful video.. by Sade. I love this video. I love this song.

Turn intimate MOMENTS into MARATHONS

2010-03-03T14:07:00.007-06:00

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Pretty Hands Sexy Feet

He cried after sex

2010-03-02T19:55:00.007-06:00

For someone like me, sexual intimacy is primarily spiritual. But I'm not sure if intimacy has always been so much about mingling of souls as it is about mingling of bodies. Even in my 40s I can get caught up in the cultural and media messages of physical attraction and sexual gratification, but I don't dare allow them to prevail or make sense for that matter. Being a single mom of a daughter I only desire to practice what I teach.

Sacred and sexual in the same motion, seems so new-agey and unrealistic. But I have a friend who told me of an experience with her now deceased husband.. when shortly before his unexpected death by heart attack (not in bed but at a red light).. he cried after they made love. They weren't newly weds, either. She said his sobbing was a bit disarming yet very profound. But all she could do was revel in the soul and soggy arms of her beloved gentle tender man. She never new him more deeply. It wasn't long before he left her to raise alone, their infant son.

It's been a few years since I've seen my friend. And back then, I considered her to be one of the most promiscuous women I've ever known. Not a judgment just an observation.. Seemingly in search of that sacred sexual experience, again.

What about this man's emotion made this experience seem so sacred, anyway? As profound as it was for her to experience, it's just as profound for me to know that it happened. I can't explain it. But I'd like to experience that as well.

Having been single for quite some time now, and not sexually active, I cannot foresee connecting with the next Mr. Right with any degree of spirituality - right off the bat. I would dive right in.. probably expecting that if he's pleasing to my heart as he is to my mind.. my soul won't care if we skip a few steps.

Forging a spiritual trust like what my friend obviously had with her husband could take a few years. The price I pay for being selective.

Want to leave him breathless?

2010-03-02T10:14:00.010-06:00

Nearly half of all women in the U.S. experience a decrease in their sex drive (libido) as they enter their early 40s. While there's no medical cure, there are plenty of treatment regimens including using personal lubricants and exercises that will . As a past rep who marketed and promoted romance and pleasure products at hundreds of 'those' parties, and as a student of cultural anthropology and sexology, I have learned and taught enough good stuff to help mature women discover and reach a new level of fulfillment and passion.

I'm also trained in Swedish massage, and Aromatherapy.. plus when my teen was a toddler, I dabbled in spiritual parenting and parent and child music and movement. Which is when I truly understood my own spirtuality and sacred sensuality and sexuality, even.. I like to think of myself not as an expert but a student and teacher of life - from start to finish! And I relish in most things spiritual, sensual and soulful.. and feminine and womanly..

That said.. I want to use Apt 10b as the place to share what I know and come across with sassy sexy perimenopausal women and women in their 40s . I will be offering an occasional give-a-way and feature the occasional other blogger on the subjects of beauty, romance, dating, intimacy, marriage, parenting and wellness from physical to emotional to sexual.. My goal is to just help women create great interpersonal and intimate lives and lifestyles for a lifetime... From a sassy sexy perspective!

So.... If you want to learn to ~

Leave him breathless..
Have a loving touch..
Add excitement and variety to intimate moments...
Enhance your own life..
Dance as if no one is watching..
Feel sexy again...
Look fabulous always...

Then, tell all your friends & please come again to Apt 10b!

Art: Leave Him Breathless photo discovered @ Roses-are-read.blogspot.com

Interracial Love

2010-02-25T09:38:00.013-06:00

We all know it is the content of a man's character that speaks the most about who he is.. not the color of his skin. Right? Well.. Many people do have preferences that outrank character..

I'm personally one who is open to loving a man of any race, but I do prefer Black men. As a Black woman, in my mind, historically and spiritually, the Black man truly reigns. For better or worst, Black men have a definite sex appeal. It's not about the brother's johnson, it's about his Soul's Code. And I believe there are some things only a Black woman can teach and provide for a Black man.. who wants it. But if he doesn't want it.. Too bad, too sad.. His loss! A good man is a good man no matter his race!

First, I'll tell you the race of men I've dated Brits (anglo), Spaniards, Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, average American White Boys (from Wisconsin to Texas to Kentucky), Africans, and African Americans. In my wildest fantasy.. the man of my wildest dreams is Latino. Cuban, to be exact. Ask me no questions I'll tell you no lies!

But what's the deal with any woman desiring a man of another race? I would say that a thoughtful spiritual woman will tell you something like this...

He's a teacher. Ultimately, he is a self-study program. He will teach you various aspects of yourself you didn't even know existed. How you perceive and behave toward men - changes after you've been in an interracial relationship. And it's in your own head that you haven't. Everyone else will notice.
He puts you on a spiritual path. In Black and White terms.. your relationship will stress application rather than theory, and experience rather than theology. All you have to do is follow his lead and you can obtain the goal of peace and harmony ad infinitum. In the end, it'll either last or it won't. Basically, what I'm saying is.. at first there will be this subtle struggle because of race/culture differences. Face it. Don't deny it! You can pretend you don't notice them, others will teach you it's true. Then.. you decide to handle things, ignore differences.. and integrate him into you. Becoming one with him will make you more like him.
He dictates rules of behavior. I've observed that it's usually the woman that can't keep doing whatever she's been doing once she gets with a man of another race. The man does not change his behavior because he's with you, but his meaning changes because he's with you. He becomes the WHY.. you've changed what you're doing. He's worth it to you. Along with your new perspective, it's not unusual that your ways and even your external circumstances change.
He's a beautiful communion of universal erotic themes. And more than that, he is a fusion of sexuality and spirituality. Sexuality and spirituality have often been at cross-purpose-- each terrified of the other. An interracial relationship, however, breathes new life into the finest ideas of sacred eroticism.. delivering its own message. Just look at the babies of an interracial union.
He gives you immediate results. One interracial relationship (not sexual encounter -but a pure relationship) will change you. Your day, your feelings, your life, your experiences. Who doesn't want to change like that? It's fun to explore the stereotypes and unknowns. Right away you get more out of it than you ever imagined!

The worst thing about being single..

2010-02-23T15:21:00.008-06:00

This is serious, to me. Here I am a grown woman and this has made me cry. I needed help with something and nobody I asked would help me. When I realized no one was willing to help, I felt stupid and inadequate for not having a man.

Here's the problem:
A presumptuous, egocentric, ex high school classmate, who found me on Fb and thinks he is more important than he really is, won't stop calling me! At the very least I've expressed that I am not interested in being friends with him. I don't initiate contact with him nor do I respond. Never the less he calls 2-6 times a month.

In addition to being pissed off at him for waking me up out of my much needed Thera-Flu induced nap, I'm about ready to declare him a stalker! I know that's overkill but that's how I'm beginning to feel!

A few months ago I had lunch with a high school friend that knew him well. I told her how he's been hard to get rid of. She told me this: They dated briefly back in h.s. and when she told him she only wanted to be friends, he pounded on the table and told her.."I don't need no mother f******g friends!" We both agreed, then and now.. he's a scary dude.

My solution:
He'll probably stop calling if he thinks I have a man. So I asked one of my brothers to call and tell him to stop calling me. After I busted his chops for laughing, he said he'd make the call but he didn't know when. "I know you're at work right now, but why not tonight? If your wife needed you to make this call for her, you would. Why not do it for me?" I didn't get anywhere with that.

On the phone with a close friend an hour later, I asked her to ask her husband to make the call. She hemmed and hawed and then said.."I'll ask him, but I know he'll say "No."" I was stunned. I'd be ok with my husband making the call for my friend.

What's going on here? Is it me? Or is it them? Am I asking too much? Or am I making too much of this situation?

I felt ~~sad~~ mad enough to cry after answering this question: "Who can I ask to do this for me -who won't ridicule me?

There I was.. All alone with the answer. No one.

To a degree I'm worried about my personal safety. In that I am not sure what he's capable of. He can't seem to take no for an answer. He thinks if he persists I'll change my mind. He creeps me out. Bottom line. So I agreed in prayer that God is my protector. My next thought was.. plenty of praying faithful people have unwanted encounters with creeps!

Prayerfully.. I just hit send on this email via facebook:

"I appreciate that you are interested in how I'm doing or if I need anything. BUT I REALLY WANT YOU TO STOP CONTACTING ME. Please do not call me. Please do not leave me any voice messages. Please do not text message me. Please do not visit me. Please do not write me any letters or send me cards or gifts, etc. Please do not email me or contact me on facebook or any other method."

So.. If he doesn't abide, I will contact the police.

But I still wish I had a man to take care of this for me.

And just in case there's a nice guy out there who would call this dude on my behalf.. here's his number: two one four-eight zero nine-two three, two three. Just say, "Please stop calling Jackie."
Thank you!

Is there a Cougar in me?

2010-02-22T23:48:00.004-06:00

I've been trying to sit this whole cougar thing out since I first heard the term and understood the meaning to be an older woman who's trying to score with a much younger man.

My 16 year old giggles that I think her 20something year old mall store manager, Josh - is adorable. When I first met him, I was pretty forward.. I advanced on him, shook his hand, cornered him -asking him questions and telling him how cute he was. I didn't even realize I was doing it. My daughter snarled at me.. "Mom?!" Then she dragged me out of the store and told me I was acting like a "cougar!" Me? A cougar? Palease!

I've heard of, but have never seen this t.v. show with Vivica, Aint Got No Talent, Fox... called "Cougars." I'm sure it's woefully, painfully, pathetically, unfunny.. and uninteresting. Though she probably plays a really good overly surgically altered cougar, watching & waiting preying on lil' boys. Am I being ugly? Sorry. I'm just not a Vivica fan. At all.

And who came up with that name, "cougar," anyway? And why is there a stigma attached to a woman over 40 wanting or having a younger man? When men have been hooking up with younger women for ages! Is there a name for that, besides "sugar daddy?" Oh, yes... It's.. "Double standard."

Some women think the term "cougar" is derogatory. I wouldn't go that far. As a matter of fact it's very reflective of some of the traits of a cougar. You know -being on the hunt, prowl; to corner & pounce! Like I seemed to have been doing with Josh that day.

I do feel like going on the hunt sometimes, when I'm so aware that I'm not with anyone, and everyone else seems to be. I could probably never pull that 'cougar' thing off with any success. I'm too self conscious. As good as I feel about myself, and my looks, I do have battle scars, a younger guy wouldn't understand or want to hear the stories of. And I cannot see me pouncing on anything! Well. Maybe. Depends on the man.

I could entertain a much younger man taking care of me, but I probably couldn't do it the way Stella did it.. I think she went back way too far.. My groove is not in that bad a shape! At my age, anybody under 35 is not going to work.

I remember when I was 39, I met a 30 year old man who totally turned me off when he said.. in the middle of a discussion about something.. "My mother didn't raise me like that!" Tha end. Bye-bye. That was one too many references to his mother!

And when I was 25 I was dating someone was just turning 20. We had the hots for each other. As it turns out he was going through a divorce from a cougar... who had a child from a previous marriage. He was still in love with her. He decided to tell me about it after he realized we were getting serious. I think he ended up reconciling with her. I do remember him telling me she was 40 something (the age I am, now). I was mad that he didn't tell me he was married. But I was sad that we broke up. And I missed him for a long time afterwards. He was sweet! And smart. Ambitious. And lots of fun...

...But mostly, he had no inhibitions or judgments. After I learned he was married to an older woman, I understood why he had that mature touch & passion. Somebody had taught it to him! Yowza!

I'd like to think that if I decided to enter a relationship with a much younger man.. I'd not be looked as a sad old maid or even as some super hottie "on the hunt." But as someone who is seriously in the game of seek and ye shall find --the right one. Even if he's 5 and NO MORE THAN ten years younger than me. As long as he's able to NOT play any games and step up to me without any unnecessary superfluous b-s-ing.. then, I'd be ok with it!

Wanna meet the... The Real Cougar Woman? She's even written a book that debunks the cougar myths! Gotta love her!

Outside the beauty myth

2010-02-22T18:15:00.000-06:00

In this Song of Solomon, we can hear the protest of a woman who does not fit into her society's beauty myth:

"I am black but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, Like the tents of Kedar, Like the curtains of Solomon."Do not stare at me because I am swarthy, For the sun has burned me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me caretaker of the vineyards, But I have not taken care of my own vineyard."

The above video was created by Kari Morris and Onleilove Alston based on scriptures from Song of Songs 1:5-6; 5:7; 8:6b and Music "'Til We Reach That Day" taken from the Original Cast Album of RAGTIME.

Kari Morris a graduate of The Actors Studio and Union Theological Seminary is an actor, writer,singer and executive producer of the film "Two".

Onleilove Alston is a student at Union Theological Seminary and Columbia University School of Social Work. She organizes with NY Faith & Justice and the Poverty Initiative. During the summer of 2008 she served at Sojourners as a Beatitudes Society Fellow. You can visit her blog- Esther's

Read the entire article @ The Beatitudes Society

The man your man could smell like

2010-02-22T00:19:00.002-06:00

I don't need to say anything more.. Just watch and quiver

Seven lessons learned from my EX sisters-in-law

2010-02-21T09:53:00.010-06:00

Observe and stay quiet:
In order to get a fine picture of a marriage not meant to be, all I have to do is watch one in progress, and not say a word. I have two brothers and both are divorced at least twice now. The first wife for both was.. 'the keeper.' They were either too young or too dumb to realize it, though. I have always been observant of other peoples marriages because I've never seen a real good one up close. My mom married a long distance truck driver. That wasn't a good marriage. My brothers were both marriage-minded & fine marriage material. So I thought. After their first marriages ended, I realized.. every man has his dog days and every man has his pressure point. Being aware of this has helped me in my own choices of men. I don't judge harshly -men for being who they are, I judge harshly the women for making the choice to be with a man - not knowing whether his dog days are coming or have gone.. and not knowing his pressure point.

Everything is connected:
When you're in a committed marriage relationship, you can see the synchronicity of things. The mortgage, the car, the electric bill, the kids, the life insurance, the dog.. -Everything is connected. All you need to do is just stay in awareness of your connection and remain a part of the evolution of it all. When you remember that everything is connected, you resort to love only tactics to maintain that connection. One brother has maintained a hopeless connection to his wife for years -for the sake of his boys. And he's finally resorted to living in a hotel so he won't be provoked to hit or slap back, their mother.

Love:
Hate is not the opposite of love.. Nor is jealously. Fear is the opposite of love. I've got a combination of six nieces and nephews and 5 ex sisters in law. Like I said, the first two were the keepers, and their children were planned 'love' babies. Unfortunately, for the other 4 nieces and nephews.. they are trapped in the fear cycles of their parents. Homophobia (one SIL has a gay brother). Fear of separation and alienation from the children. Fear of child support. Fear of failure. Fear of condemnation..

Eyes can't see everything:
Eyes just can't see the other person because they know too much about him. Eyes interpret everything.. He's sexy. She's fine. He's broke. She's nuts! In order to really see you've got to look with your heart heart. Then you can truly see who you've got!

Man is poor, existence is rich:
The brother in the hotel? His soon to be ex-wife was born of wealthy parents. She grew up never wanting for anything. She has no sense of loss or lack. We weren't poor, but.. we grew up knowing that family is here to support each other in times of need. When our mother has a need, my brother has to banter with his wife to help meet it. She argues, "If we send money to your mama, we gotta send money to mine." What woman who is worth something does that?

You cannot love enough:
I realize that marriage takes more than a notion. I realize that you cannot simply have a good marriage, you can only strive to have a good marriage. Damn! With all this observing and listening I've been doing.. I was hoping to have a splendid marriage some day.. As soon as I find a splendid man to marry. That's the way it should be. Splendid. And in that splendor you learn the art of acceptance. Am I right? Then everything can be perfect.

Happiness is my responsibility:
I can only imagine the missed opportunities to perfect a marriage.. if a divorce happens. The Kodak moments, the vacations, the trials and treasures that might have been.. become extinct. A happy marriage is my responsibility. But if happiness cannot be achieved then I must leave and find happiness somewhere else. That's what my brother in the hotel is doing.

The problem with Tiger Woods

2010-02-18T16:22:00.006-06:00

... is that he's remained silent while others have been speaking.

Tiger Woods hasn't tried to interrupt. He's let everybody talk as long as they want to. The more willing he seems to let the media (and others) express themselves about him and his personal situation, the more completely he seems to be misunderstood. I think his silence has bought him time to be honest and open, but he should stick to doing whatever he's going to do about his private little mess.. in his own time, in his own way.

Our parents tried to teach us.. sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt us? It seems to me that the media is determined to beat the shit out of him and his recovery -from whatever it is that he's recovering from.

I just heard on CNN that Tiger is orchestrating a press conference or public statement tomorrow morning... "Just in time for the Masters." The reporter spoke in an undertone and with much innuendo about the logistics and his timing. What better time?!! The man's THE preeminent golfer of our time! What is he supposed to do? Disappear and NOT play any more golf!? If I'm not mistaken, 4,690 people to date, have fought and died in Operation Iraqi Freedom -alone! For EVERYBODY's freedom! -- Even the freedom to make mistakes and recover from them with a little bit of dignity and with even less condemnation. Especially here in this country!! Ooops! I forget. This IS the U.S.A. We have every right to declare a moral stand against this man and anyone else who falls short! He's never asked for anything from anyone.. except for some privacy. This whole thing of ridiculing Tiger Woods is ridiculous!

I heard nobody complaining about his game or behavior on the golf course before his infidelities were exposed. What is this reeeally about? I think we all know.

I don't care how many people claim they'll boycott sponsors.. The game of golf needs Tiger Woods a lot more than he needs it! And that's the truth!

We all make mistakes. You without sin cast the first stone. And please let us know if you break anything so we can forgive YOU, too!

P.S. I am not a Tiger Woods or a golf fan. Just a fan of the pursuit of personal happiness and simple acts of kindness and forgiveness.

Artistic Encounter

2010-02-17T22:40:00.005-06:00

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo soon. Actually, my daughter and I were planning to take the plunge together this Valentine's Day. We'd get matching tattoos.. small, discreet with a message or image of mother-daughter love, or her name on me & mine on her.. or a prayer in Sanskit. We hadn't decided on the art or exact placement, and as of Valentine's day, I hadn't found the perfect tattoo artist.

Today I met a woman with beautiful tattoos called sleeves, on both her arms. Her right arm is a colorful seascape with mermaids and dolphins and her left arm had a portrait of Marilyn Monroe. This woman, as it turns out, is the wife of the perfect tattoo artist for me! Only.. she informed me that, even with parental consent, a person under 18 cannot get a tattoo in Texas. Some places may do it illegally, but her husband owns two salons and he won't. So my daughter and I will wait 'til she's 18. Two years from now.

I told my daughter what the woman said.. and then reminded her that.. it was ok for her to change her mind about getting a tattoo if she wanted to. I wanted her to take into consideration that she might someday meet a young man who has an aversion to permanent body art on someone who could be his wife. Or she might want to enter a profession where people don't understand 'freedom of expression' and judge her based on that temporary feeling she has permanently displayed on her flesh. And though that may not matter to her now, or when she's 18, it might matter to her later on.

She looked me in the eyes and sorta winked at me. Then she said, "Thanks mom, for looking out for me, and for allowing me to decide."

That felt good.

Art: "Your Tattoo Here" by Jude Cowell

Not a Wildfire but a Tender Fire

2010-02-17T12:45:00.001-06:00

For days I've been struggling with what to do with this blog. When I discovered the sexy feet with the red nail polish theme, I was content. That image would convey a message I wanted to share with a new audience, and perhaps some old friends would follow me over from another place I'd been hanging out. The message that I'm dying to share is that I'm a sexy sensual woman, not just a sexy mama, AND SO MIGHT BE -OTHER MOTHERS OUT THERE! But as I begin to write daily, I struggled with the message. With several things going on in my life right now, I wasn't sure if - I really wanted to go 'there.' You may have noticed my blog description or tag line has changed quite a few times. For now, I like that it's "How I feel, what I think."

But really, deep down inside I wanted to be a little more adventurous and risqué here at Apt 10b. More inviting. More appealing to a broader audience. I want to write about and explore topics I didn't dare share on my other more family friendly blog. There, my expressions are mostly about my journey as a single mom of a teen aged girl, and my stance on organized religion & how we are all children of the same universe, in the voice of a woman who considers herself a spiritual, sensual, soulful scribe. There, I can get on my soapbox and feel perfectly safe. Every once in a while revealing my true colors.. But here, I truly want to be vulnerable, put my red dress on! And the red lipstick and the red nail polish, too! Take a chance. Let my hair down.. and burn that sacred fire... that tender fire.. and say out loud --If you think that sexuality recedes with spiritual growth, think again!

I've found that in my essence as a free spirit who abides closely to God, (I may also refer to as Spirit, Creator and sometimes the Universe) the source of all creativity, not only is my spirituality more intense and whole, so is my sensuality and my sexuality!!

So there! It's all out in the open.

Where our anti-sensual culture tends to divide sexuality and spirituality, I'm here to say that a single adult woman dating men, or wanna be dating men, I am not torn about any messages of sex nor am I torn or struggle to find my own values for my sexuality. My sexuality and sensuality is a lovely fire of beautiful flames that cast light and warmth. It's not the least bit destructive and it's certainly not about sexual arousal or gratification. All the time.

And I think that writing this has freed me up to move forward with other entrepreneurial projects and aspirations.. Without hiding myself behind sunglasses any longer. I don't have to blog, but I do have to make a living, and I've been afraid to really be the authentic Mom in Apt 10b; The spiritual, sensual, soulful, me.

What about Men?

2010-02-16T22:34:00.010-06:00

I admit, I enjoyed the photo galleries over at Hall of the Black Dragon.. of their favorite Sexy Celebrity Ladies, Models, Adult Starlettes, and that Top 100 Lady Dragons list, is to die for! Wish I was on it! Wow - wee! I figured, why not do a complimentary piece celebrating men? I know what you're thinking: You want to celebrate the status quo? Isn't there already enough in the blogosphere about men? Nope. Besides, much of the news about men is certainly not celebrating them. In fact, most of what I observe is about judging men. Their scandals. Personal attacks. Their infidelities.. Men cause wars. Men are wife-beaters, cheaters, rapists, pedophiles, deadbeats, derelicts and murderers. Men abuse power, are players and losers, and destroy trust, self esteem, confidences, among other things. Well, I'm on a mission to find some male role models to brag about. Most will be eye candy, have tremendous sex appeal, smell fabulous without any additives, and look great in custom made shirts! Why the heck not? This should be fun! Check back.. Oh.. but it definitely won't be a 100 man list! I'll be lucky to find time to profile these...

Have Yourself a FAT Happy Tuesday!

2010-02-16T08:29:00.003-06:00

Fat Tuesday started because Catholics wanted to go party (binge) without regret -before Lent.. which is when you give up something (purge) and behave for forty loooooong days and forty loooong nights.

Now that's what I call FREEDOM of religion!

Listen on Rhapsody to some soulful faves from The Big Easy:

Halleluyer!

Size Matters

2010-02-16T00:07:00.001-06:00

My daughter attends a school where the mascot is a stallion. We recently had the discussion as to what makes a stallion - a stallion. It was an intelligent discussion, with giggles, however. Some of her school mates don't understand why the statue on their lawn is missing a thing or two.. "It ain't a stallion if it ain't got 'those,'" they say.. I love horses and being under the weather these past few days, I've watched a couple of movies about horses.. Deliver Us From Eva.. you know at the end of that movie Ray buys Eva a stallion.. cause she loves horses.. and I watched Seabiscuit, again. I guess Seabiscuit wasn't a stallion, but .. Hey!.. he thought he was! Compared to other horses, stallions have so much more testosterone to thank for their prowess and personality! All this talk and thoughts about the grandeur of the stallion brings me back to scale and reminds me to lighten up a little bit. Stop making such a big deal out of little things. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, a stallion isn't the most vast of creations, but.. does size matter?

Well... Think about it. There's Texas. There's the attitude and arrogance of guys like Rick Perry and George Dubbaya. There's the Grand Canyon. The Atlantic Ocean.. The Cosmos. The Cosmos? Now that! Really puts things into perspective when it comes to size! Have you seen this picture of the Hubble Deep Field? "One peek into a small part of the sky... The Hubble telescope has provided mankind's deepest, most detailed visible view of the universe." It looks like a spatter of jewels in black plasma doesn't it? I should print that photo and put it in my wallet.

When I read about unhappy marriages, why men and women don't/can't relate and connect and find love when they want to.. When my mother engages me in superfluous debate about God, Jesus and the bible.. or even when I watch TVOne and KERA and the History Channel during Black History Month and take a step back in time.. and get all ticked off! --I decide to think about the fact that the universe is 156 billion light years across.. And if you turned on a flashlight and followed its beam for one billion years you'd still have 155 billion more years to go. - Then those things little things I've read, or heard, or observed or argued about don't seem so grand after all.

Maybe this only fascinates me.. and helps me forget what there is to argue or disagree about. Size does matter, if you think about it.

Learn to Love.. Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T16:49:00.003-06:00

You may already know this, but I love err' body I've ever met whose from N'awlins. And I especially love a man (from N'awlins or not) who can make things with his hands and his voice. Guitarist, pianist, percussionist, vocalist, writer, painter, builder. In particular I love me some Harry Connick, Jr. Yep, he's from N'awlins & he does reallly good things with his hands and his voice.

I don't care if he's singing about.. paper clips, no body does it better! Since it's Valentine's Day.. I'd like to share one of my favorites by Harry. . Live!

He is freaking fabulous!!!

Love You, Too

2010-02-14T09:17:00.009-06:00

In the living room of about 20 others, she sat on pointe in a wing chair directly across from me on the sofa. I imagined she was my deceased paternal grandmother. Slender, bejeweled with silver tresses beautifully coiffed away from her high cheek bones and dark but slightly reddened complexion. I'm told I'll look like her when I'm that age. The rock on her ring finger spoke volumes! She obviously belongs to a well endowed man. Hmmmm.. I was impressed and proud. But my grandmother, she is not.

This single mom's charity project kick-off meeting started with a round-robin of introductions, and finally, hers was.. testimonial; As if it's the only reason to exist she said.. "A man wants a woman who has a passion for something." My mother never even told me that! Then again, my truck driver step dad had child support to pay, and my mom, was technically a single mother with three children of her own to raise.. She never got around to indulging in any passion. I wish she had, though. I never knew until I gave birth, my mother wanted to work for NASA. Now, a chronic pain patient, she's an aspiring watercolorist. Observing the clouds, the moon and flowers and painting them on greeting cards she designs. God does have a way of bringing us full circle to our longings.

The beautiful Madam eagerly shared that during a leisurely drive that very day, she admired a house that was occupied. Her husband got out of the car, knocked on the door and asked the owners if they were interested in selling. They said, "Yes." The needful calls to lawyers and realtors were made and the house now belongs to Madam!

I wondered what her passion was that attracted Monsieur. Could it be the active non-profit she claims founding, that grants money to single mothers to further their education? I later on Googled and found nothing about it, her or him, online. I threw her contact information away.

I supposed that if you love a man who can buy you a house on demand, how wonderful for you. And if you desire a union with him, then by all means marry him if your heart calls you to. I just believe that choosing the union you have also chosen to serve God and Goddess. Multi-task if you must! At the very least, fit YOURSELF in first -or else! At first glance I was impressed with Madame, but I also lost confidence in her.. The more she spoke the more I learned. It seems to me, she got lost in her man and all he could bestow. Not a judgment, just an observation.

I guess, sometimes it takes a half your life to get around to loving yourself enough to take care of yourself without any one subsidizing you. I used to think all I wanted was to be married with a bunch of children. But after eight years in the Navy, I realized I could never ever, married or not, allow my partnership with a man to silence my voice.. like my mother likely did.. Not a judgment, just an observation.

Art: Love Yourself First and Then Your Dog by Chryssa Wolfe

How to Get Severely Laid

2010-02-13T21:37:00.010-06:00

She once told a lover that she would write a book of poems for him and call it Severely Laid. Later she would write another book and call it Sincerely Touched. She says, it probably would not be interesting to anyone but her, since the rocky road to peace is more sensational than peace itself, and the yearning for love is more dramatic when it hurts. She, is Marianne Williamson my favorite author of a woman's worth.

As I think about the last guy I dumped, it turns out he was in need of some serious dumping.We were only attached in his mind.. I had to dump him hard, too. So hard, that for a moment, I was afraid he might be hurt and never let me live it down. He was hard headed. He thought he was all that and a bag of chips. God's gift to me. Because.. because he thought of me that way.

What's wrong with me that I couldn't get with him? Give him a chance? The frog! He came offering gifts! Might of had Prince potential, too. I beat myself up about it for too long. And as much as I felt like his touch or his presents (not his presence) might cure what ailed me.. I know the truth is.. it just wasn't meant to be that-a-way. He didn't have what it takes. Physically, spiritually, mentally, financially. Emotionally. He was a nerd renting and working double shifts, off on Mondays.. calling and texting me all the time! A sarcastic egotistical antagonist, who left my 16 year old exclaiming..."Mom, our circumstances is not your test... HE is.. your test." Yep, this dude left an indelible mark on me and my child for a very brief moment and he doesn't even know it.

Essentially, UNATTRACTIVE... to me in so many ways, but never the less a very good teacher of something essential. I tried not to hurt his feelings. Even when he asked... "Do you find me attractive?" I blamed it on his wardrobe. T-shirts, gym shorts and orthopedic sneakers without socks is a sure turn off fellas! And he wan't good in bed, either! (Yes, that's no typo.. I said wan't.) No amount of Maker's Mark whiskey sours--shaken well, so it gets all foamy... was going to make me want to spend any time teaching no body nothing. I'm tired of being the teacher! I want somebody who knows a little something about somethin'... extraordinary.

What matters is.. what matters to me. And that's all that matters. Not yearning for anything, just holding out to be sincerely ~~laid~~ touched by the real deal.

What's sexy What's not

2010-02-12T22:15:00.008-06:00

I try not to come across as someone who is attracted to people and things merely because of appearances. Using my heart vs. my eyes in most cases. But thank God for eyes! Without them we couldn't see... "Colors." People. Things. The light. Or we couldn't distinguish that red lipstick from the pink. I love all of my senses! Smelling certain things and touching others, is almost as good as tasting mango! But what is sexy? Is it a taste? A sensation? An aroma? A sound? A color? Here are a few examples according to my sensibilities..

What's Sexy:

A man who understands women..

Carlos Santana Shoes

A Stylish Crooner who's been there..
(the one on the right. MJB)

Bette Midler's Smile.
Bette Midler's Legs.
Bette Midler's Energy.
Bette Midler's Attitude.
Bette Midler's Spirit.
Anything Bette Midler..

Bracelets.. Lot's of 'em

Juicy Ripe Mango..

Guitarist's Hands.

A man in a custom made shirt.

The Temptations.
These 5 Pretty Boys in Purple Suits
-Pretending to be Temps.
And this ReMix of "My Girl"...

What's Not.

THIS DUDE.
I'm just going to lay it out there for Brother West and other vocalists of his genre..

First, this excerpt from his memoir...

“The basic problem with my love relationships with women is that my standards are so high -- and they apply equally to both of us. I seek full-blast mutual intensity, fully fledged mutual acceptance, full-blown mutual flourishing, and fully felt peace and joy with each other. This requires a level of physical attraction, personal adoration, and moral admiration that is hard to find. And it shares a depth of trust and openness for a genuine soul-sharing with a mutual respect for a calling to each other and to others. Does such a woman exist for me? Only God knows and I eagerly await this divine unfolding. Like Heathcliff and Catherine’s relationship in Emily Bronte’s remarkable novel Wuthering Heights or Franz Schubert’s tempestuous piano Sonata No. 21 in B flat (D.960) I will not let life or death stand in the way of this sublime and funky love that I crave!”

YIKES! Is he seriously in search of another woman? Hasn't he been married four times, already?

Here goes: WE CAN'T SEE YOUR FOREST FOR YOUR TREES, BROTHER! Not just your finger nails, facial hair & those glasses. But all that full blast, fully fledged, full blown high standards and rhetoric, too.. Just my humble opinion.

Mary J Blige - She can see Colors

2010-02-12T18:01:00.001-06:00

I love you and all I want you to do....

2010-02-09T21:13:00.003-06:00

.. is just hold me. Hold me. Hold me. Hold meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Tighter.

Tighter!

Ok Ladies! The only other Gentlemans Magazine You'll Ever Need to Read!

2010-02-09T21:00:00.007-06:00

I'm speechless, actually.

Somehow I ended up @ the Hall of the Black Dragon.com

I responded to the post "Solutions for The Single Black Female," and the response to my response, hooked me up. Filled me up. Pleased me. Squeezed me.

Tighter.

Tighter!

Click Here to read my comment

And here is the reply to my comment:

Hi Mom in Apt 10b (love your blog btw) I grew up with a beautiful single mother, so I saw my fair share of sorry-ass men. Actually out of the number that came in and out of our lives I recall one outstanding guy, he was exciting, had her dancing on air but he had a drug habit. The point you make on vices is not a light one, and for all the good points that we have, many men do fall back on vices and it is a wicked thing. Alcohol, drugs, sex, video games, you name it there is always something. That being said you are in pursuit of a truly "different" individual, it leads back to what I said about our typical dives and digs. THAT guy that will win you over for all you are worth, is probably in the least likely place looking for someone like you. Good guys are normally driven, the passion is their vice so they will hang out at places that aren't exactly leisurely to an outsider, but to them it's heaven. Many good guys are home bodies when they aren't actively travelling and Jet Setting. Many cultured guys do their first loves solo, so it would be up to you to keep your eye open for him when you cross paths in an activity that isn't the Black Ski Summit. So if you are running into too many losers with vices, and your wish is for a man of culture and exploration, you will need to do your research on where a man like this frequents. Many times he isn't in your neighborhood, city or stomping grounds. Just remember that we are in the information age and an accomplished single man will be able to get to you without much hassle. Last but not least, we did not get that "minority" tag on accident, I know I am preaching to the choir when I say that for outside of a select few cities black people are a rarity. If I had tried to find my current girlfriend in my town I would have been better off trying to find the holy grail. It is that bad, and many of us forget that it is that bad. So exploring other venues even outside of your local area in order to find Mr. Right is almost a necessity.

You can see more information for the comment on this post here:
http://halloftheblackdragon.com/reel/1072/solutions-for-the-single-black-female.html#comment-786

Now go hang out @ The Black Dragon's Blog

Don't love me 'cause I'm beautiful..

2010-02-08T22:41:00.003-06:00

And don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful, either!

It's a known fact that so called beautiful women are more disliked than their "plainer" rivals. And I might add, more lonely, too. Is it a curse to be considered beautiful?

From early childhood I watched my daughter being burdened with the stigma of adoration from adults because of her looks (and her smarts) to the dismay of her peers. And as a teen and young adult, I was called stuck up, or bitch, and antagonized and hated by my peers and coworkers because all the guys were staring and stumbling.. Let's go ahead and call it what it is. A curse!

And now, at age 47, I feel kinda of awkward talking about myself to other women. Even women who think I am beautiful. I like me. And I do beautiful very well. But I'm feeling hopelessly stigmatized myself, and I'm sure that most men I could be remotely attracted to are intimidated and stay away because they think that single and beautiful means deadly or damaged. I always get.. "How come a beautiful woman like you is still single?" Men friends and even my brothers suggest that I when I go out I should dress down and not turn down a drink offer or an invitation to dance. Else.. no other man in the room will ask. "Beautiful women.. Ya'll mess with a brother's head."

At work and in social settings beautiful women quickly become the center of attention. I don't like being the center of attention. It makes me feel like the entertainment. Guys seeking you out, alienating you from all the haters.. um.. women around. You'd be amazed to hear about all the negative attention I got from women at work just because of the unnecessary and undeserved attention I got from men.

I was telling some new friends at a weekend retreat that I tend to wear my sunglasses all the time, even inside at malls and grocery stores and the doctor's office, etc.. to avoid attracting unwanted attention and conversation about my eyes. They are green, and they are really mine. As flattering as that is, it can be very awkward to talk about myself when the focus should be on someone or something else. I know my eyes, my face, my hair, my stance, my persona and presence are beautiful to others! But there's more to me than what you see.

And just because it's beautiful to you doesn't mean it's good for you. You know? So unless you get to know me, you'll never really know me. It would be so nice to meet someone who is interested in getting to know me first without harping on what he thinks of my looks. The worst part is there is really nothing I can do about it... except keep my eyes open for the one who will have.. "enough confidence and swagger to pull me without any fear..."

That'll be the day!

What Counts As Support From A Friend?

2010-02-08T09:55:00.013-06:00

I have an acquaintance who is very well connected in the social media and single mother community here in Dallas. Her ability to know who needs what and who has what to offer, barter, exchange or sell is attributed to her thousand mile long & growing daily- mailing list. She's an up and coming publicist and email marketing tipster e-blasting her subscribers with -where to go & things to do. I happened to befriend her just before the holidays and was soon fully engaged in supporting a cute charity that she started.

At the same time, I was going places and doing things to develop interests and business of my own, whilst job hunting, fund raising for my daughter and trying to keep my car out of repo mode! And even though I asked, I was never once supported by my acquaintance to her cornucopia of contacts. As a writer I was somewhat offended when she asked me to deliver "more compelling" copy of my fund raiser schpeel, when her own newsletter content and spelling could use a lot of help! For my re-write effort, I never saw one eblast or post of my time sensitive fund raiser notice. Soon I disengaged as a volunteer in her organization and stopped feeling like she was a friend. Our contact with each other has been very minimal since then..

But wait! There is one thing she seems to be doing for me.. She is passing the word that I'm available for child care? I never asked her to do that! There was this one time I responded to an email she circulated that a single mom needed a temporary baby sitter. But weeks later, she refers me to another single mom of 3 children. And just a week ago.. I get a call from her that a self employed single mom needs administrative support & child care help in her home. IF I was interested in doing some down and dirty organizing and admin work for a successful lady General Contractor with some baby sitting on the side, it wouldn't entail the 30 hours of laundry and ironing and dish-washing and tutoring that this mom required!

What a waste of my brain cells!

I market and promote myself as a POWER Admin, Organizer & Planner and Executive Support Professional when I'm looking to do that kind of work, but I've never said I was a baby sitter! Don't know how it came about that she's telling folks out there.. "She's good with children." When I needed her to tell people that I had an online fund raiser to raise money for my daughter's trip to NYC, she didn't lift her voice once! And I don't get that!

And that big fat juicy jar of home made Brown Sugar Love Scrub I gave her for Christmas? In the business she's in, I sorta kinda hoped for a little promo in one of her many eblasts!

Not a mention...

What is that?

I Admit - I've Always Wanted To Do The Mary Kay Pink Car Diva Dance!

2010-02-07T01:35:00.002-06:00

I've dropped in and out 3 times in the past 16 years. Never able to really re-connect until a month ago when I wanted to buy a red lipstick. Mary Kay has the best lipstick on the planet. I Googled "Mary Kay Sales Director" in my zip code, and met my new best friend. Her pink Cadillac has a bad ass analog clock, too!

Yep. I'm hooked again on the idea of being a pink car driver! Forsaking ALL other ventures I've embarked upon.. except my writing and mosaics projects! No. She didn't recruit me.. I recruited her. She's a kindred spirit and I'd be remiss if I let her get away!

What I love about Mary Kay besides the lipstick, eye makeup remover, mascara, and skin care... ?

... Mary Kay teaches women to be women in pursuit. To be women of expression, connection, enterprise, adventure and to aspire to have lives that they can live outside of mommy & wife mode - if they choose!

I choose! I choose!

The money ain't bad, either. Well. That depends on who you ask.

Am I nuts to feel like I can have a lucrative business as a Mary Kay consultant? Years ago when my daughter was a new born and again when she was a toddler, I worked it very hard, and.. managed to earn only bill money. I'd like to think I'm smarter now. But really I am not. Thus my pink Cadillac driving kindred spirit teacher/mentor/friend... Who will surely be honest with me about the possibilities.. and realities.

I spent part of this weekend on a mini retreat with her and 6 other fabulously beautiful women in the business. She and one other are pink car drivers.. And the other 4 were there to rejuvenate and share on how they are getting their mojo into gear for this new year!

I'm not judging anyone but, they all reminded me how hard I once worked at it and dropped out with nothing to show but my understanding of the Mary Kay way. Sharing my thoughts and feelings and listening to theirs only really begs these two questions.. Are their issues a sign of these economic times, or what? And what makes me think my new experiences will be different or better?

Giving it a year and finding that IT just ain't happening for me would be a waste of a year.. that I don't have to waste. That's why I'm giving it -from the git go, to convince me that I can have what I want from this!

And at this point, I just haven't made up my mind about whether I'll go at this full steam ahead, or slowly but surely. I'm not in the mood to waste any time or money so before I make any plans, I need to make up my mind.

And now I wonder what this conversation I'm having with myself really means..

Get the Art @ Posters.com

Libido Rehab

2010-02-02T21:07:00.020-06:00

My life as a single mother helped me reach a deeper understanding of my womanhood, today. Let me just say that I went through something that I'm going to call "libido rehab." By libido rehab I mean, after I left that Child Support Division of the Attorney General's office this morning... I was so Fired Up! Hot & Wired! My g-spot came looking for me!

Something about revisiting my past with the father of my child... in order to submit a new petition for court ordered child support got me to feeling all.. as some would say... lustful.

Now that the new petition is signed, sealed, notarized, and soon to be delivered to a judge in Delaware, I'm in some sort of -turned on mood! The checkbook dad's ass is about to be grass.. And if the judge doesn't cut it, I will!! Sixteen years of expatriatism and deliberate dereliction of fatherly duties, emotional and financial, will soon be confronted!! It's not the money so much, it's the court order to Mr. "I don't want a judge telling me what to do and when to do it.." that turns me on!

By the time I was outta there, I was so exhausted & frisky & hot, I couldn't stand it! At the same time, I felt very tearful and hurt and angry! How dare him! Hurt my baby because I didn't want to be his wife! Before I could get to my car, something was definitely going on within me. But what?

Meanwhile.. Some cosmic strangeness was happening between 9 and 11:30 a.m. while I was taking care of business. As it turns out, I'd missed several calls from almost every man I've met in the past year. But not one of them left a message. The least desirable called so many times.. I went online and manually blocked his number! But before I did that, I thought; Do I? Would I? Could I? Should I? Because.. I seriously had thoughts of calling him back to ask him if he would like to be a friend with benefits. My mind was wandering all over the place!

But why would I go there? I don't like him the way he likes me! He moves too fast. And .. it ain't like he's eye candy! I do know he'd be happy to oblige my EVERY request. I also know that there'd be too many strings attached. He'd change his wardrobe, religion, and address to hang out with me! Before I know it.. he wouldn't be himself but Andy Garcia and Malik Yoba all rolled up into one juicy fine man! And I'm not interested in a man who needs to change in order to be with me. He wouldn't want me to do that for him.

It took me an hour to decide not to call him! Struggling with the thought of immediate pleasurable stress relief vs.. being totally irked for the rest of my life by a man who otherwise turns me off! (But maybe good sex would change MY MIND about him.) Ummmm... Nope. I couldn't do it! Not with him. Not with anyone else! I'll just deal with my libido.. secretly!

As for my instantaneous awakening.. I think it must have had something to do with rehashing my relationship with my baby's daddy and seeing the original petition with my answer to this question:

When was the child conceived? Answer: February 1, 1993. Seventeen years ago --yesterday.

Can you believe that?

Art Credits:

Hot Mama Art: Kim Carney/msnbc.com
Art: "Clandestine Libido" by Ramaz Razmadze

If you think he's sexy..

2010-01-25T13:47:00.022-06:00

Recently, I was privy to a conversation between my 16 yr old and her best friend about a couple of boys they like. Mostly what I heard was, "He's sexy." "He's hot!"

Ok. But. I can't fathom how males whose frontal lobes aren't fully developed 'til age 25 can be hot & sexy? My daughter and her friend insist that hot & sexy just means .. gorgeous or extremely attractive. In a woman's mind, a hot and sexy guy is someone you would want to have sex with. So I asked them.. Are you guys having sex? Do you want to have sex? They both told me "No." I believe them.

I tried to convey to them that in my opinion, if you text a boy "I think you're sexy," He's liable to interpret that as.. "I think you are SEXUALLY attractive." Granted, attraction at that age, or any age for that matter, has everything to do with sex.. but they don't need to know that!

Besides that! My son (if I had one), would be taught to believe that any girl who sent him that message is a moron because she is unable to think of a better adjective for something she likes. So what does that say about my 10th grader? ..Guess I'm still in teaching mode.

As for you, dear readers.. I'd like to teach you how to make this Sexy Valentine Gift I invented.. loooong time ago! For adult guys.

"Dear (Your Guy),
You stand out in the heap!"

What is this?

It's a spice container w/transparent lid (Target)
Filled with Lemon Heads (All the other guys)
1 Green M&M in the middle. (Your guy!)

Speaks volumes!

What is it about The Green Ones®?

Legend has it The Green Ones® are an aphrodisiac; rumors of their special powers have been circulating since the '70s. Read more...

Where To Get Some Passion

2010-01-25T11:19:00.006-06:00

Ready for Reinvention, too? Find Passion from Lemons ~

I resist sharing about "Lemonade," an inspirational documentary film about 16 advertising professionals who lost their jobs and found their calling, and in the process encourage everyone to listen to that little voice inside their head that asks,

“What if?”

Watch "Lemonade" and support the project.

What do you think of that beautiful red rose?

Download it as wallpaper for your desktop. I just did. Photo Copyright of Fabio Visentin.

red rose passion Photo : download Full High resolution
red rose passion Photo : download 1440x900
red rose passion Photo : download 1280x800
red rose passion Photo : download 1024x768

The BLISS of My Ignorance

2010-01-24T11:00:00.006-06:00

Well now... I'm currently on a Comfort & Joy kick and I've made a decision! It started last July, and I'm kicking it up a notch, effectively immediately! Mostly due to my far away brother pulling another surprise visit on us! He came, it seems, to support my local brother in his civil marriage ceremony to a girlfriend, the local family had no idea was happening. I decided months ago that I don't have a need to & nor do I want to know everything going on with everyone in our family. But when a sibling gets married (for the 3rd time) and he doesn't t tell you or invite you.. What are you supposed to feel?

My comfort and joy seems to fade off into the sunset when I'm drawn, sucked or dragged into other people's complicated *schtuff! (my polite word for s-h-i-t). This secret marriage certainly is complicated. And now I want my comfort and joy back!

Last summer, when a relative went on a rant about superfluous nonsense of her own doing... Out of curiosity, I asked "Why are you telling us this stuff?" And not speaking for any one else, I added "I don't particularly want to know about it." She was startled, "You don't?!! Well! You neeeed to know!" That was my queue to leave.

My new philosophy? I'll ask you no questions, and you don't tell me anything that isn't pleasant and peaceful and nice! I have learned that I am at my best with my family, when I abide in the rest, peace, comfort and quiet of Apt 10b. I have enough going on in my own life as an enterprising single woman & mom, on this side of town, and I am not willing to commute for some family drama!

I love my brothers. But I don't get them. For now, my feelings are hurt. I didn't hear from either of them all day Friday or Saturday. I missed a call from one of 'em @ 6am today. No message. I'll get over it.

That's why I'm sooo looking forward to Byron Katie's workshop tonight! One of my favorite quotes of hers is:

"Everything happens FOR me, not to me." - I love this!

And with that said.. I have resorted to speaking to those mellow dramatic friends and family.. what the art piece above says so clearly...

"Talk to the hand 'cause the face ain't listening."

Art: "Joseph Campbell Said (2009)" by Valerie Alon

Woman to Woman

2010-01-23T09:28:00.008-06:00

The first and only time I ever felt any attraction to other women was pre-mommyhood and I was fully blown single and loving it! It was my first New Year's Eve party in Atlanta. It was 1991.

The previous October I'd broken up from a 3 year relationship with the man I probably would have married had it not been for his mother and sisters having a problem with me not being .. white. It was a long time coming, but it was finally over by Thanksgiving. And I was free to partee like it was 1999! I'd made a friend with a guy on a temp job. There was no romantic interest on my part, at least. We managed to go out on a couple of lunch dates then he invited me out on New Year's Eve.

I don't remember the exact location, but it was a high rise hotel ballroom downtown Atlanta. The air was crisp, the stars were bright, the people were beautiful. Especially, the women. There was hair and fragrance and adornments every where. I remember I wore black and blue. I sparkled and felt beautiful, too. My date loved to dance as much as I did. But I soon learned either him or his jacket hadn't been to the cleaners recently. He was fun, but I had to ditch him. I literally walked away from him on the dance floor and never looked back.

By the stroke of midnight, I had lost complete track of him. I found a pay phone and called my mother to wish her a Happy New Year. Then I returned to the dance floor where people were still kissing and hugging and dancing. I greeted everyone who reached out to me. Men and women. That's when I noticed... "Wow! She's beautiful." And so is she. And her.. and her. Oh my. I wasn't confused. I was just extremely observant of the truth. That I wasn't the only one who looked fantastic and had seemingly experienced angst over what outfit to wear and what to do with her hair.

This isn't a story about a discovery of any inner longings. It's just my first time observation that women are truly beautiful. And I understood why men think so.

Which brings me to this disclosure. My senior minister is a woman. Our associate minister is a man. He's gay. She is.. beautiful and sharp and wise and stylish. She has a permeating smile and the capacity to remember and speak your name and look you in the eye when she talks to you, and she touches you with her whole hand. Every Sunday after the service, many congregants line up to meet and greet the ministers on the way out. I love my church, I love the ministers. So I usually show my love and support for them with a full embrace, and I always tell them I love them.

The very last time I hugged and said I love you to my senior minister, I think I over did it. Telling her how "gorgeous" she was that day. I was ridiculously ecstatic. And as I walked away, a strange feeling came over me. Could she possibly think that I am gay?

I never want to give the impression that I am. So I've been avoiding the meet and greet line ever since.

Hey! Kelly McGillis (of Top Gun fame) came out last year. Saying.. she's done with the man thing. As did Alex P. Keaton's mom.. Meredith Baxter. I always felt something was up with her, though. These moms were married to men and making babies for years, then decided to get real and honest about who they are and who they want to love.

As for me.. I am for sure a lover of men. Although religion and pop culture has programmed us, through overt biblical and social messages that women belong with men and not other women. I could never be so dissociated from the genuine light of self-awareness.. to engage in a physical, romantic or otherwise sexual relationship with another woman. Although, truth be told, the thought doesn't disgust me.

One Place. Mini Destinations.

2010-01-22T22:42:00.008-06:00

Imagine a place that's just for you. A place where you can refresh your soul, recharge your body, rejuvenate yourself. Imagine stepping into serenity, surrounded by natural hues and soothing aromas. Imagine that this special place is nearby and readily available.

Imagine your living room, dining room, kitchen and patio. Each bedroom, and each bath and even the closets are a mini destination location.

Right now, I'm thankful I'm a renter! Otherwise I'd probably be foreclosed on.

I love where I live! I love that it's a small luxury community is a cozy nook and cranny somewhere near the Dallas North Tollway, but happily off the beaten path. It's urban and mature and ain't cheap! I'd be hard pressed to downgrade, upgrade or leave. At least not before 2012 when my daughter goes off to college.

Because this is the year for greater success for me personally and financially, I have decided that I will transform this one apartment into a sanctuary of Mini Destinations! That means, integrating elements of places I've been and long to return to, and places I've yet to explore... Wall to wall, door to door.

I've been browsing around online for some ideas. As I look for things that I really like and choose to use to create the mini destinations for each room, I will post any lovely finds and the merchants of designs.. right here where you can find them, too.

For starters..

Mediterranean Style Living Room:
I'd love to escape to a living room with impressions of the Mediterranean .. Dark lush textured rugs, huge wall art and tons of throw pillows and curtains that drag the floor. I'm almost there..

French Bistro Style Dining Room:
I just love Bistro tables! They're modest and promote intimacy. And guests are not all confined to one big table! That's my desire for my kitchen and dining room. Two to three 2-seater tables for dining & tapas & wine tastings & private conversations...

Caribbean Garden Patio:
I plan to create a Tropical oasis of posh greenery and zen pebble-scapes with chimes and fountains to mask the barking dogs and highway noise that can be heard from my patio.. On one side will be my relaxing garden, and al fresco dining on the other! Plus lots of pretty night lights for late night visitors.. This escape? Right outside my kitchen, of course!

Moroccan Style Bedroom:
And alls I want in my bedroom is a romantic Moroccan inspired bed, exactly like this.

So I'd better get up from here and get on it!

Where in the world is Marcelle?

2010-01-22T19:14:00.011-06:00

I used to work with Marcelle. I miss her. Marcelle loved dark chocolate. I don't. She doesn't like Aaron Neville. I do. I just checked my cell phone to see if I still have her number in it. It is. I haven't talked to her since April or May of last year. I called her with a legal contracts question. I was contemplating working as an contractor for a woman who created a line of organic personal lubricants. Marcelle doesn't call or email at all anymore. And I haven't called her. It's just so awkward initiating contact with friends who still have jobs. I know she's busier than ever. Mother. Wife. Mentor. With a intense travel schedule. And I'm sure her daughter is graduating from college in a year or so. I used to laugh out loud when she talked about the trepidations of her teen son.. and her hubby. I remember laughing at myself saying that, when my daughter goes away to college, "Ya'll will have to mop me up. I'm gonna be mush." I said that, assuming I'd still be employed there in 2012. I was wrong. Marcelle was/is a "more bang for the buck" kind of lady. When I was raising money for my daughter to take a class trip to DC, I tried having a jewelry sales fund raiser. Marcelle wrote a check for $150! So did a few others in the office. That was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. Not only the giving part, but the friendship part. For Christmas, Marcelle came back from NYC and gave me one of my most favorite Christmas gifts from a friend, ever! A NYC Central Park Starbucks coffee mug. See.. That's what people do who know something about you. They give you thoughtful gifts. I don't drink much coffee any more, but every time I use it for juice or tea, I think of Marcelle!

Bet she'd like to know that! Maybe I'll email her this weekend. Send her a link to this blog.

More than enough surprises for one day!

2010-01-21T23:46:00.011-06:00

I spent a couple of hours at billiards and bowling with the cable guy a few nights ago. Learned some interesting things about him. I secretly wondered if the guy might have PTSD. Fatal shooting, Gulf war veteran sniper near miss and near death personal experiences. I should avoid him at all costs.

The Universe had a different plan.

With new carpet installation a few days later came the need to disconnect the tv and cable box, then the problem of no picture after countless attempts at rebooting and reconnecting. Wouldn't you know it? I call him instead of the cable company for technical support. What was I thinking?

Just as he was finishing up, my brothers make a surprise visit from Iowa and Florida. I only expected the one from Iowa. But when the one from Florida emerged from the car. Well.... After my initial shock and tearful greeting, I composed myself to introduce him or them to.. each other. Three very cool very handsome men standing in my drive way. What a day!

He leaves to go about his work day and my brothers and I hang out for a minute, before I decide to pick up my teen from school a little early. I haven't seen my brothers together in 5 years! It was a wonderful, touching gift to laugh and enjoy their company. Knowing they'd both be going their separate ways tomorrow, and it could be another 5 years before we meet up again. They're weird like that.

A few hours later, I discover two text messages on my cell phone....

From the cable guy.

[First Message]
"It was nice to see u smile like that, when u were surprised by your brothers. So that must mean u dont see them as much as u should. Shame on u all."

[Next Message]
... "And your eyes are truly beautiful."

Wow. That was very endearing, to say the least.

Now.. How quickly can I forget about my brothers' surprise visit after these surprise messages?

If it's not asking too much...

2010-01-20T23:39:00.007-06:00

Cool times.. and a wonderful day! But at one point I stopped and wept just for a moment. Was feeling so good inside, that I longed for someone to share with. Not my teen. Not my mother. Not a BFF nor my brother. But a life partner and confidant. A beloved friend and bon vivant. The one who would know all my favorite things. The one who would know what everything means. Not for just to embrace. Not just to see his face.. But for to stand side-by-side and Look Forward with.

You know?

Yesterday I decided...

2010-01-17T14:10:00.001-06:00

To go ahead and do everything I've ever wanted to do.

Today is a Miracle I didn't expect

2010-01-15T09:56:00.005-06:00

I am a 10 year student of A Course in Miracles. I study The Course because it helped me quit denying the truth. It helps me to undo the negative.

Today I am renewing my conviction to undo the negative. It's not me but the "Miracle" that is doing the work for me. I am unlearning every negative thing that I've been taught, and that I've taught myself. I reflect on Heaven by allowing the Miracle to undo the negative. I sit quietly and I do nothing. I look and I wait and I do not judge any more. I won't work at it. I won't fight it. I won't try.

More. Money. Now.

2010-01-14T23:59:00.004-06:00

It's not enough to bail out the banks and supposedly make health care affordable for all, but.. you know what? People still go to jail for smoking weed. That's a shame. And electricity still gets shut off and people get evicted just because they don't have enough money to pay the bills. I just don't get it. If consumerism is more responsible for our economic mess than capitalism is, then.. then this earth should just go ahead and explode so we can start all over again from scratch.

Look. Just because I've been available for work for 18 months now, doesn't mean that I reject capitalism.. but I do reject bankers and essential life services providers.. and their shareholders making out like bandits at the expense of the people who just can't pay. I think about this as I get almost daily suicide prevention email blasts from a nonprofit I support. And just because I've been available for work for 18 months now, doesn't mean that I have run out of things to consume. Hey! I just tweeted that I am looking to buy a juicy red tube of lipstick. I can't eat that. But I still need it. And I'm gonna get it.

In the mean time, I just felt I should explain the asterisk (*) next to the word "Rich" on my About Me widget on the side bar. It's not to imply that I AM rich. It's just a statement of my own personal wealth.. I'm rich in spirit. I'm rich in creativity. I'm rich in love. You get the idea..

Every body who had dreams of it, still want to live the good life and be filthy wealthy rich. I'm right behind you. In front of you, actually. I just hope the sun doesn't go down on me before I see it through. I'm boycotting wally world (aka walmart) and I feel really good about not contributing to their wealth anymore. I'll save more money and aggravation and live better by staying outta there! It's a trap! They'd sell us mortgages if they could. Any place where I spend less than 20 minutes and come out and have no clue where my car is, is a place not to frequent.

I just love me too much to not feel rich these days. I still have my luxury apartment and I'm still hanging on by a thread to my luxury car, and my kid still attends school in one of the more elitist and successful public school districts in the country. I can have my cake and eat it, too. But I can't leave you without saying.. "God is good." What? You know that with hard times come religiosity or is that just another trapping of a well off lifestyle?

I'm thinking too much.

Nite!

Close the Door

2010-01-14T11:46:00.006-06:00

Life's door has finally been closed on old school super vocalist, Teddy Pendergrass. Or so it seems. Must be some sweet sounds - going down - on the Night Shift! TP never appealed to me physically, though. That facial hair! Yikes! I was only 17ish when The Son of a Preacher Man took me to a motel after a school dance and tried to get me to let him do what he wanted to do to me. We didn't get that far. I just couldn't let it. He has his portable cassette player with Teddy Pendergrass swooning.. and a bottle of wine, I think. I'll never forget it. The music, that is.

About The Mom in Apt. 10b

2010-01-12T00:01:00.015-06:00

Apartment 10b is not only the place where my daughter and I live, but it is the place from where I can share with the world - and vice versa. It's a place where thoughts of all kinds are formed, where life is explored and intriguing sightings are reported.

Self proclaimed "spiritual, sensual & soulful scribe" and the coolest person I know. I'm a forty something single mom, who is just getting a round tuit.. After 18 months of gainful unemployment aka being available for work. I'm getting around to using my god given faculties and powers to go places and do things and helping those about us - for income, of course! Wow. I don't know how this will all unfold, but now that I've got my round tuit, I know I can do it!

Talent list forthcoming.

In addition, you'll soon discover here..

Rare Findings
Answers to Questions
Musings
Losts
Founds
Sweets
Sours
Etc..

Please come again.

In 2010

2010-01-01T23:54:00.000-06:00

In 2010, everything works for me. Really well. I am better than fit, and more than divine. I look marvelous naked and not just in my mind. I dance & dine with ones who wait, but I'm keeping the light on for my soul mate.

In 2010 I am stronger, more stretched and centered! Inspired by Paula and Mary J and Iman.

I write, create, blog, develop and design. I do this for myself and for others!

In 2010, I'll be about the business of sharing and giving more than ever.

I will buy myself more fun and funky jewels and rings like the beautiful topaz my 16 year old gave me for Christmas. I love this ring! I'll share a photo soon.

In 2010, I'm like a chameleon, ever evolving and always fitting in perfectly. Doing only what and going only where there is authentic joy and compatibility happening.

In 2010, I am the unique reflection and celebration of the past and the present so my daughter can see herself in a wonder filled future... waaay past 2012!

In 2010, I make it a point to be electric, stylish and playful.. Oh! And.. Sublime, and yes, sometimes, a little ridiculous!

And so it is.. a

Happy New Year!

Pretty Hands Sexy Feet!

2010-01-01T01:13:00.001-06:00

Are you heading south for the winter and want to flaunt sandal-sexy feet? Do like I do. Stop over at iHerb.com and find products that help you have silky soft show-off sexy feet and hands!

First time shoppers Save $5 when you use my iHerb.com Coupon Code: ROC607 when you place your first order. iHerb.com is by far the best value and quality for natural bath & body and nutritional products, online! And nothing beats free!

iHerb.com gives rewards for referrals, too. I have shopped for free for over a year. You can too.

Based on the sales generated by customers I have referred to iHerb.com just from occasional blog posts, my rank: is [432]. The number of customers who have used my referral code is 21. I currently have an available credit of $30.21, and $7.52 pending. I like this! A lot. I've earned and used $121.41 in free credit in the past year. I'd love to earn more...So please go shopping. Now! Don't forget to use my Coupon Code: ROC607 when you check out! It'll save you $5 on that 1st order!

And please don't be offended when you read my periodical posts promoting my coupon code and favorite 'sexy mom' products. I do it about once a month.

Re-invent your Style

2009-12-30T16:29:00.000-06:00

Re-invent your Style

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